Hello, Bibik #2

With every hardship comes ease, they say. Indeed, that was the case for my family and I. After our terrible experience with our first helper, I was most scarred. I refused to employ any form of help after I decided to ship her back, until I had a heart-to-heart talk with my mum and a few friends.

They all told me that not all helpers are manipulative, abusive liars (I’m sorry, but that was how I perceived her after what she has done). They all gave me good stories of their good helpers, who were actually a great help. My mum took the time to lay out the pros of me having a helper. Because she knows that I am naturally just so lembek, I would need the extra pair of hands around my household. And of course, her list of the advantages drilled all my senses back – I actually forgot that Hubs will be going back to school and I will need to manage both boys by myself 3 nights a week!

So, a week prior to the date I decided to ship her back (without her knowledge), Hubs and I decided to make a trip down to the agency to interview a few helpers. Before that, I listed down my requirements to my very helpful agent (who gave Bibik #1 an earful when we brought her to the agency and suggested we send her back) and when we arrived, she had Skype ready for us.

We happened to interview my current helper first, and I didn’t have any feel about her, to be honest. No, actually, I didn’t have any feel about any of the ones we interviewed. We interviewed only 3 helpers after her. Because I wanted one from East Java, we didn’t have many to choose from. Some of the helpers had a really kind face, but I was adamant against having one from West Java.

After we interviewed all the available ones, my husband said: I think the first one is good, babe. WOAH, HOLD YOUR HORSES – my husband actually talks! Haha. Okay, wait – that was really something new. Dude does not, and I really mean DOES NOT, make these sort of decisions – not once, not ever. He’ll always go: “Sukati you, ah.” (up to you) or “I sembarang.” (I anything) or “You pilih ah.” (you choose) that it gets very frustrating for me especially. So when he makes a comment or a decision, it is serious business.

Hence, we Skype-d her again and I asked more detailed questions. My agent also drilled her with serious questions. And to cut the story short, we made our decision to hire her.

When we got home, I asked my husband why he chose her. His two main reasons were:
1) She completed her contract in Japan and 2 contracts with the same employer in Jordan, she has to be good, and,
2) She has a motherly feel to her.

Alhamdulillah, I guess Hubs does have a good judge in character after all? My current helper has been with us for almost 2 months now and her performance has been at a satisfactory level (for now and hopefully, for as long as she is with us). What’s most important is that she is great at gelling with my toddler. She handles his tantrums like a true pro. (Unlike my previous nightmare helper who NEVER entertains him or his tantrums like she is paid to do – SIGH.) She knows she has to approach him cautiously, so she takes her time with him. Naturally, he is starting to open up and welcome her and looks for her even when I’m at home – and that is a huge deal to me.

I’m hoping she maintains this way throughout, insya Allah. I’m really looking forward to going through at least the first year with her, and then we’ll see if she’s interested to extend her contract with me. Please keep me and my little family in your du’aas, my friends – may Allah bless you the same.

Bye Bye, Bibik #1

Once again, I disappeared and am back with a few updates. Some good and some bad, I’d have to say – I’ll do the bad ones first.

Firstly, we shipped our helper back to Indonesia. Yes, we finally decided to after much deliberation. Well, we initially thought she was good because we really needed someone who is excellent with babies. And she started off good, following instructions really well.

Day after day, we noticed that she was beginning to take control over my household – in every aspect. She made her own decisions when it came to my babies – she completely ignored the feeding schedule I did up for my baby, she skipped the whole balm-applying process on my babies (perhaps because LAZY), she stopped showering my kids in the evening (thinking I wouldn’t know), she fell asleep so many times while putting my baby to sleep in the day, and many, many more.

She also began playing favorites between my boys. I hated this and have told her multiple times, but it seems like they all fell on her deaf ears. It was so frustrating, especially because she didn’t listen. Of course, my son is at that cheeky age where he would refuse her but she just dragged him out of his school uniform! Imagine my horror when I caught her just when I stepped out of my room after a shower. I also once caught her reprimanding him with a voice so loud, that I could hear her while I was at the lift lobby (and my house was at the other end of the block). So then I quickened my pace and peeked into my window to see her pushing him – and THAT, my friends.. Was it.

Masya Allah, I can’t help but hate her after that. Like, really hated her. I didn’t let her touch any of my kids, and treated her like she was more or less invisible. My elder one was already in school during that time, so I scrambled to find a temporary spot for my younger one. I became an evil employer after – I didn’t care if she had her meals or not, I couldn’t even be bothered to talk to her at all.

Now, we’ve never once been mean to her and have treated her like family since the first day she came. We gave her unlimited WIFI access, full access to food in our house, I gave her some of my old clothes and shawls – we even loaned her money and brought her on our family holiday to Jakarta just 3 months into her job. On top of that, we sacrificed one day of our trip visiting her home in the outskirts of the city. I was so disappointed when I discovered she was not treating my son well. She obviously loved the younger one, because he sleeps most times of the day anyway.

Apart from all that, she has been cutting corners on house chores and lying through her teeth even when confronted. Like how one of my tops had a burn mark (obviously from an overheated iron) and she didn’t even tell me about it until I pulled it out of my wardrobe to wear. She even ironed it out nicely and placed it among my other tops in the wardrobe! When I asked her about it, she said she took it out of the washing machine and it was like that.

Yeah, she must’ve washed the hot iron together with my clothes. *INSERT EYE ROLL*

Another incident which involved her lying through her teeth would be the day she lied about mopping. For one, I love citrus scents in my home and I always buy citrus-scented cleaning stuff – the toilet cleaner, the floor cleaner, the hand soaps, the dish-washing liquid, etc.

It is my favorite scent in the morning, when I get out of my room and the floors of my home smell like lemons (LOL)! But on that particular day, there was no smell. At all. I brushed it off, though – because I thought that maybe she got up earlier and mopped the floors earlier than usual so the smell would’ve been gone by the time I came out of my room.

Unfortunately, the no-smell days grew in numbers. On the third day, my vanity room started to have this musky smell. Well, the vanity room in our home is pretty small so air doesn’t circulate very well around it. So I called her in and asked her what she mopped the floor with and she said she used the floor cleaner. I proceeded to ask her what time did she finish mopping and she claimed that she just finished not too long ago.

Without answering her, I went to the service yard and found an empty bottle of floor cleaner. I guess she panicked and immediately said: Oh, sorry mem. Ngepel itu udah habis, saya lupa beritahu mem. (The floor cleaner finished, I forgot to tell you.)

Without responding to her, I went into the toilet and touched the mop and GUESS WHAT?! Yupp, it was dry.

Sigh. By then, I was too disappointed and too tired to make a fuss in the morning. I grabbed my stuff and told her (as calmly as I possibly could) before I went to work, in Malay: If you feel like you’re starting to get lazy to work, let me know and you just go back. I’m not paying you to slack around. When I came home from work that day, she didn’t speak a word or looked at all remorseful. It was hurtful because despite the many times my husband had said that she was not performing, I saved her ass and told him that she prolly needed more time.

In fact, I was ready to close an eye on the quality of her housework (and sacrifice my OCD personality) but the fact that she mistreated my child is just.. IT, yknow? So I thought, whatever – I had already shortlisted a new helper by that time anyway.

And on the day I sent her back to the agency, I packed her bags. I found a few of my shawls, brooches, tops, and one of my husband’s shirts (!!!) in her stash of clothes. She rolled them among her clothes, so it wouldn’t be too obvious I guess? Oh, and I also found a $50 note in a purse UNDER HER WARDROBE. Wallahua’lam, I don’t know where she got that $50 from to begin with. And I just don’t get why she had to keep it under there.

HUGE SIGH LUH, GUYS.

And that is my first experience with Bibik #1 – horrifying! Good riddance, to her!